When the white smoke came, I saw it on the internet somewhere. White smoke. So I turned on the TV, and there it was. The crowd was gathering in St. Peter’s
square, excitement in the air.
Cameras focused on the balcony where the new Pope would emerge.
I am in Western Pennsylvania, many miles and an ocean away from
Rome, but I am able to watch this scene in real time. There is probably not more than a second’s delay from the
time it happens until I see it. It
is as if I am in St. Peter’s Square as well, in the crowd and watching the
balcony.
I do not know what to expect. A new pope. I
suppose that I expect the new pope to be much like John Paul II or Benedict – a
cardinal, old, conservative. So I
watch. When the curtain opens and
the man in white appears, I know that he is the new pope but I do not know anything
about him. He stands there, in
silence, and looks at the crowd.
Looks at me. I look at him. There is something so very personal
about this. I know that I like
this man, no matter who he is. I
am so moved that I begin to cry.
This is my pope and this is my Church.
After years of feeling on the margins of the Catholic
Church, not knowing whether I was in or out, I know now that I am in.
So I may re-vive this old blog again, and begin chronicling
something (what?). My return to the
Catholic Church? My deep yearning
to Be Catholic? I'm not sure what being Catholic even looks like anymore, but something tells me that I never stopped being Catholic.
There is something about the "look" of Pope Francis that speaks to me. Out there on the balcony, but also here as well ...